Run to win in 2018

This was the title of our pastor’s new years message and I quite liked it so I thought I’d put down a note for posterity. There were 3 points under this: Run light, Run focused and finally Run with endurance. The text was from Hebrews:

Hebrews 12:1-2 Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

I found myself looking at this verse in Habakkuk also, maybe because of the reference to running:

Habakkuk 2:2-3 Then the Lord answered me and said: “Write the vision And make it plain on tablets, That he may run who reads it. For the vision is yet for an appointed time; But at the end it will speak, and it will not lie. Though it tarries, wait for it; Because it will surely come, It will not tarry.

You must have a clear vision to run towards then run with endurance, with the faith that it will come to pass. How do I know it will come to pass? Because of God’s love. Because He is good and His plans for me are good. If you understand God’s love and heart towards you, it gives you hope in life, and hope that does not disappoint.

New King James Version Romans 5:5 Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.

I never used to understand what this verse means but I’ve gone through some experiences in these last couple years that have made it clearer to me.

Its interesting that in the Habakkuk verse he references waiting as part of seeing the vision come to fruition. I’ve been in a waiting season at this time in my life. Waiting is so difficult because this world we live in and everything we’re taught makes us want to move, do something. But if you’re in a waiting period, taking action that’s not required can mess up work that God is doing in your life.

2017 was a bit of a tough year for me. Last night I was not able to wait for midnight to ring in the new year, I fell asleep. This was after I’d had a fight of sorts with my son so there was hardly a festive atmosphere in the house. Sigh. Sadly that’s how it has been lately. He’s 16 this year and its been a tough 16. You hear alot about how the teenage years can be difficult, but until you’ve been through it nothing can prepare you.

I know some kids can be easier than others, so I’d been hoping for an easier one lol. What do we fight about? Curfews, chores, schoolwork, friends, his phone. Alot of stuff. He’s taken to listening to what sounds like gangster rap that I literally cannot stand. He got his ears pierced this year. I’m bracing myself for the tattoo. I try to remind myself that I’m not the only parent going through these challenges, and  many probably have worse challenges than me. Anyway, I’m hoping his 17th year brings better things.

In the morning I found 2 happy new year messages on my phone. One was from my mum and one from a friend. So I guess my friend shedding in the last year has turned out to be quite successful lol!

I’m so ready for 2018 because I need some blessings in my life this year. We got some rain here today which is unusual at this time of the year when its normally hot and dry. I’ll take that as a good omen of a blessed year ahead.

Wishing you (and me) a happy and prosperous 2018.


of single women and online dating

*taking deep breath*

Okay, here goes. My online dating experience.

Once upon a time, in my mid thirties, which can be a desperate time for a single gal, I logged on to an online dating site. After setting up a profile and checking out a few, I found myself chatting to this guy who I seemed to connect with and lo and behold he went to my church! Well, after getting over that surprise and thinking maybe God is in this after all, I set up a meeting with him. We exchanged facebook contacts and I was able to see a picture of him finally, and the same for him, since none of us had put up profile pictures on the dating site. This is Nairobi y’all, its a pretty small place and everyone knows everyone. I’m a very private person so I was not about to put my face out there for people to see. In fact I doubt that very much online dating goes on here and I don’t think that dating site exists anymore.

Anyway, long story short, from the moment I saw the guy’s picture I was not attracted to him at all! But since I had already given him my phone number and we had agreed on the date and all, I ended up going anyway. Besides which if I was serious about finding a husband shouldn’t I be less judgemental and aren’t these the risks I needed to take? So on set date, I made my way to the place and spent a couple of hours with the guy. Meeting him in person did not increase my attraction to him at all, but he seemed to really take to me. What to do? And he had my phone number and everything. I ended up going on one more date with him before I had to do the dirty deed of ghosting him and disappearing from his life.

That was my first and last experimentation with online dating. It scares me now to think how desperate I had become that I literally put my life in danger, going to meet some stranger I didn’t even know. I thank God that He was watching out for me and the guy turned out to be who he actually said he was, because when people chat with you online they can make up any kind of story.

A few years later the guy got married. I saw his wedding announcement in the church bulletin and ran into him after the service and said hi and he introduced me to his fiancé. I didn’t ask how he met her but I’m quite sure it was not online.

After this experience and a few other doomed ones that I may one day write about, my position on relationships now is that God will bring someone into your life and you just need faith and patience. I also refer you to this article by Vanity Fair magazine written in 2015 where they describe apps like Tinder to be the apocalypse of dating. I definitely agree with that article and whenever I see people writing their blogs about how they’re online dating, with their little plan of how they’ll date a certain number of people, use a certain kind of formula and voilà they’ll find a husband or wife, I shake my head knowing I’ve been there done that and hope that they get through their experiment unscathed. I mean sure every now and then you hear a success story from these sites, but I’m convinced this is the exception rather than the rule. And for every one success story there are probably hundreds of horror stories.

I’m now a rested woman and waiting on God and wish for everyone out there the same peace and confidence.

New King James Version Psalm 27:13-14 I would have lost heart, unless I had believed That I would see the goodness of the Lord In the land of the living. Wait on the Lord; Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the Lord!

on having zero friends

I don’t actually have zero friends but I got the idea to write this post after reading this blog post by a lady who after moving to a foreign country found herself without friends. After suffering through the loneliness for about 3 years now, she has come to appreciate what the situation has developed in her character.

The post struck a chord in me because I’ve been going through a similar phase in my life where I have found myself in a situation where I seem to have dropped most if not all of my friends. It made me feel not alone in this situation. Initially I was a bit worried at my situation thinking that surely one cannot live this way and must stay in contact with people. In fact, I did maintain contact with a few but I found it to really be draining my energy as I was going through a tough time in my life where I needed to stay focused on myself.

Through a series of events I eventually came to the point where I realized it was doing me no good and I slowly cut off all contact with them and now I’m pretty much in a friendless state. It gets lonely but I feel so in touch with myself and able to decide in a clear way the things I need to do for myself without all the chatter one gets from friends and family. Not to mention I don’t miss the gossip sessions that coffee dates with friends inevitably degenerate into.

The writer of the article sounds like she would really be interested in making friends and is hoping this is just a temporary phase. I am quite the opposite and feel very comfortable where I am and that this is where I need to be right now. I did turn 42 this year so I don’t know if this is mid life crisis, maybe it is. I don’t think its a permanent state, I probably may eventually reconnect with some old friends, or more likely make some new friends that match my current phase and state of mind in life.

This Joel Osteen sermon on how we should feed our destiny is my current mantra in life.

Book review: When God winks on love

I absolutely love this book, its chicken soup for my soul so to speak. The author, Squire Rushnell, has a whole series of these books that concentrate on coincidences in our life which he says do not happen by accident but are orchestrated by God, thus Godwinks.

This one on love has absolutely heartwarming stories on how people from all walks of life found love in their life by “coincidence” including the author himself who found his happily ever after having gone through 2 divorces. Its an uplifting book and an easy read because its a series of short stories as opposed to one long novel. So if you’re looking for some light reading, this is the book for you.

of single women and childhood sweethearts

Once upon a time, when I was about 12 or 13 years old, there was a boy in my school who liked me very much. So much in fact, that he wrote me a poem and had someone deliver it to me, I don’t remember who it was now. What resulted was a gaggle of excited and giggling school girls gathered around me as I read it. Then someone grabbed it from me and read it out loud to the whole group. That was an exciting day in our primary school life. I didn’t know what to make of it. The girls discussed in excited high pitched voices the implications of this act, what should or should not be done, would I get in trouble?? Oh please Lord don’t let me get in trouble with the teachers! Some girls were of the mind to forward the whole perplexing issue to a teacher to deal with and I was horrified! Luckily such a thing never ensued and I was free to continue my hitherto unremarkable life in peace.

From that day forward I was never quite sure how to behave around him. He was a really nice boy though. We would be coy around each other. Sometimes he and his friends would chase me and my friends down the school corridors, since that is what 12 year old boys do to show how much they like a girl 🙂

Ultimately nothing much came of that incident, and by the next year we were all off to different high schools and I never saw him until we were in university. He had a girlfriend and I had a boyfriend (I think). But we would occasionally run into each other and hang out, especially in our first year when we were still getting familiar with the new environment. We were very comfortable together because we knew each other from our childhood. As the years passed he moved to another campus, we stopped running into each other or hanging out, so nothing came of this meeting either.

Fast forward about 10 years later and there was a school reunion. I was very excited to go and catch up with everyone, see how they had changed or not, and find out what they were up to. He also came and so, for a third time we met. I was single, he was single. And he looked quite interested in me. He hung around me the whole evening, bought me drinks, kept me entertained. I was a bit hesitant however and maybe he read my reluctance because he never called me after that night. I was a single mother now, and having come out of a harrowing relationship I was not about to jump into another. His lifestyle from what I saw and heard was a bit on the fast lane and I did not want to be the one trying to keep up with him. I had already tried and failed with my ex.

About a year later he got married. We would still chat sometimes online, and one day he mentioned to me that I had always been ‘the one’ except that I had never been interested. I was shocked. I didn’t know he still had that sentiment about me. After a while we fell out of touch and I haven’t spoken to him in years.

I’m still not married. As a single gal wondering why you’re still single, you occasionally go through your old files, such as this one. Was this my chance that I missed totally? Am I now doomed to a life of singleness after missing ‘the one’ for me? This question really used to bother me because I thought I had missed it. But I came to realize this was not true, and God still has ‘the one’ for me. When you find the one for you there’s no hesitation or second thoughts. I’ve been loving this sermon by Pastor Toure on finding your soulmate, it reaffirms my belief.

Do you have an old relationship you have regrets over? Let me know in the comments.

of married men edging out single men

So I have this single guy who’s my neighbour. We chat occasionally when we run into each other in the hood and he’s a pretty nice guy. I’m not like into him or anything but hey, he’s single, so he’s a prospect right?  He’s always polite to me and we’re both about the same age. He keeps to himself but is cordial to everyone which means he’s a pretty good candidate for my ideal number 3 type guy (see my earlier post here).

Well anyway, last year we were having the annual neighbourhood bash which involves alot of wine and all other types of alcohol, nyama choma and a great dj till late in the night. I hear it may have gone on till morning but I left at a decent hour of around 1 am I think. Its the ideal bash in light of the menace that is alcoblow these days. And of course to prevent drunk driving. At the end of the evening you’re at minimum staggering distance from your house, and as a bonus you don’t have to use any dodgy public bathrooms.

The dj was great, I kid you not. He gauged the crowd correctly and was playing jams from my college days. And being well lubricated with quite a bit of red wine, white whine, whisky and whatever else was on offer, quite a number of us were on the dancefloor getting a proper workout. This my neighbour, I’ll call him John, had joined us by late evening and the next thing I knew we were dancing together and had become a sort of an item, just me and him. They must have been playing our song, I just wish I could remember which one it was lol.

After 1, 2 and maybe even 3 songs  we were still going strong. I was starting to have thoughts in my  head that went something like: Wow, me and this guy seem to have a vibe going on here. Does he like me? Do I like him? What does this all mean? Maybe today will be that day that moves us from mere aquaintances to the next level…..

Meanwhile the dancing was going on and neither of us looked like we were about to leave the dance floor. And if we did we would have left together and sat somewhere together right? And had an amazing conversation, gazing into one another’s eyes, seeing each other in a new light that we hadn’t before, opening up to one another, the beginning of a great relationship right? Right?? Wrong! Because when the next song begins here comes this guy I don’t even know and he grabs me and pulls me over to his side and proceeds to make me his partner as it were. In the spirit of the neighbourhood party, I begrudgingly give him this dance. And in my head I’m wondering, is he a neighbour, an invited guest, who the hell is this guy? I look anxiously over my shoulder to check out if John is still around, but no, he’s disappeared into the night, retiring for the day. Whaaat? Nooooo! Meanwhile I have to dance out the song with this stranger. A few of the ladies come and join us and we do a group dance. The song ends and I bid the neighbourhood party adieu, and retire with some disappointment to my house.

Folks, this is not the end of the story. Over the next few days I notice this lady neighbour of mine has suddenly become very hostile towards me. When she sees me she is cold as ice, turns the other way and will not say hi. I dare not even try and say hi because I don’t know what on earth is going on. She’s not even someone that I’m so friendly with so I’m racking my brain thinking what I could have done wrong. Did I say something uncharitable about her and she overheard? Did I borrow some dish of hers that I’m yet to return?

In time I eventually get to find out what I believe the issue is. It turns out that the stranger on the dance floor, you know the guy who grabbed me that night? Is actually her husband. I overhear someone refer to him as baba so and so and I am like whaat? That’s her husband?? And all mysteries of hostility are resolved. I would be totally pissed off if I was her too. In fact I now remember that she was one of the ladies who came to join us on the dance floor that evening. And of course I can see why now. If your husband has grabbed some neighbourhood woman and is totally getting down with her on the dance floor, you probably need to get into that mix.

I started thinking about this incident when I wrote my last post on married men because I wondered, what on earth was this guy’s aim? Did he not see the vibe I had going on with this other guy? Who at least is single, hallooo?? Then he proceeds to spoil for us, all for what?? Now I shall never know what may have been that night. For the record this is almost a year later that I’m writing this. Yes, John is still my neighbour, and no, there are no developments between us. Truthfully speaking there is another different guy who I would much rather get together with. But for now, that is neither here nor there. For now, what we have is a married guy who is still very much on team mafisi and needs to get off the team NOW!