of single women and childhood sweethearts

Once upon a time, when I was about 12 or 13 years old, there was a boy in my school who liked me very much. So much in fact, that he wrote me a poem and had someone deliver it to me, I don’t remember who it was now. What resulted was a gaggle of excited and giggling school girls gathered around me as I read it. Then someone grabbed it from me and read it out loud to the whole group. That was an exciting day in our primary school life. I didn’t know what to make of it. The girls discussed in excited high pitched voices the implications of this act, what should or should not be done, would I get in trouble?? Oh please Lord don’t let me get in trouble with the teachers! Some girls were of the mind to forward the whole perplexing issue to a teacher to deal with and I was horrified! Luckily such a thing never ensued and I was free to continue my hitherto unremarkable life in peace.

From that day forward I was never quite sure how to behave around him. He was a really nice boy though. We would be coy around each other. Sometimes he and his friends would chase me and my friends down the school corridors, since that is what 12 year old boys do to show how much they like a girl 🙂

Ultimately nothing much came of that incident, and by the next year we were all off to different high schools and I never saw him until we were in university. He had a girlfriend and I had a boyfriend (I think). But we would occasionally run into each other and hang out, especially in our first year when we were still getting familiar with the new environment. We were very comfortable together because we knew each other from our childhood. As the years passed he moved to another campus, we stopped running into each other or hanging out, so nothing came of this meeting either.

Fast forward about 10 years later and there was a school reunion. I was very excited to go and catch up with everyone, see how they had changed or not, and find out what they were up to. He also came and so, for a third time we met. I was single, he was single. And he looked quite interested in me. He hung around me the whole evening, bought me drinks, kept me entertained. I was a bit hesitant however and maybe he read my reluctance because he never called me after that night. I was a single mother now, and having come out of a harrowing relationship I was not about to jump into another. His lifestyle from what I saw and heard was a bit on the fast lane and I did not want to be the one trying to keep up with him. I had already tried and failed with my ex.

About a year later he got married. We would still chat sometimes online, and one day he mentioned to me that I had always been ‘the one’ except that I had never been interested. I was shocked. I didn’t know he still had that sentiment about me. After a while we fell out of touch and I haven’t spoken to him in years.

I’m still not married. As a single gal wondering why you’re still single, you occasionally go through your old files, such as this one. Was this my chance that I missed totally? Am I now doomed to a life of singleness after missing ‘the one’ for me? This question really used to bother me because I thought I had missed it. But I came to realize this was not true, and God still has ‘the one’ for me. When you find the one for you there’s no hesitation or second thoughts. I’ve been loving this sermon by Pastor Toure on finding your soulmate, it reaffirms my belief.

Do you have an old relationship you have regrets over? Let me know in the comments.

of married men edging out single men

So I have this single guy who’s my neighbour. We chat occasionally when we run into each other in the hood and he’s a pretty nice guy. I’m not like into him or anything but hey, he’s single, so he’s a prospect right?  He’s always polite to me and we’re both about the same age. He keeps to himself but is cordial to everyone which means he’s a pretty good candidate for my ideal number 3 type guy (see my earlier post here).

Well anyway, last year we were having the annual neighbourhood bash which involves alot of wine and all other types of alcohol, nyama choma and a great dj till late in the night. I hear it may have gone on till morning but I left at a decent hour of around 1 am I think. Its the ideal bash in light of the menace that is alcoblow these days. And of course to prevent drunk driving. At the end of the evening you’re at minimum staggering distance from your house, and as a bonus you don’t have to use any dodgy public bathrooms.

The dj was great, I kid you not. He gauged the crowd correctly and was playing jams from my college days. And being well lubricated with quite a bit of red wine, white whine, whisky and whatever else was on offer, quite a number of us were on the dancefloor getting a proper workout. This my neighbour, I’ll call him John, had joined us by late evening and the next thing I knew we were dancing together and had become a sort of an item, just me and him. They must have been playing our song, I just wish I could remember which one it was lol.

After 1, 2 and maybe even 3 songs  we were still going strong. I was starting to have thoughts in my  head that went something like: Wow, me and this guy seem to have a vibe going on here. Does he like me? Do I like him? What does this all mean? Maybe today will be that day that moves us from mere aquaintances to the next level…..

Meanwhile the dancing was going on and neither of us looked like we were about to leave the dance floor. And if we did we would have left together and sat somewhere together right? And had an amazing conversation, gazing into one another’s eyes, seeing each other in a new light that we hadn’t before, opening up to one another, the beginning of a great relationship right? Right?? Wrong! Because when the next song begins here comes this guy I don’t even know and he grabs me and pulls me over to his side and proceeds to make me his partner as it were. In the spirit of the neighbourhood party, I begrudgingly give him this dance. And in my head I’m wondering, is he a neighbour, an invited guest, who the hell is this guy? I look anxiously over my shoulder to check out if John is still around, but no, he’s disappeared into the night, retiring for the day. Whaaat? Nooooo! Meanwhile I have to dance out the song with this stranger. A few of the ladies come and join us and we do a group dance. The song ends and I bid the neighbourhood party adieu, and retire with some disappointment to my house.

Folks, this is not the end of the story. Over the next few days I notice this lady neighbour of mine has suddenly become very hostile towards me. When she sees me she is cold as ice, turns the other way and will not say hi. I dare not even try and say hi because I don’t know what on earth is going on. She’s not even someone that I’m so friendly with so I’m racking my brain thinking what I could have done wrong. Did I say something uncharitable about her and she overheard? Did I borrow some dish of hers that I’m yet to return?

In time I eventually get to find out what I believe the issue is. It turns out that the stranger on the dance floor, you know the guy who grabbed me that night? Is actually her husband. I overhear someone refer to him as baba so and so and I am like whaat? That’s her husband?? And all mysteries of hostility are resolved. I would be totally pissed off if I was her too. In fact I now remember that she was one of the ladies who came to join us on the dance floor that evening. And of course I can see why now. If your husband has grabbed some neighbourhood woman and is totally getting down with her on the dance floor, you probably need to get into that mix.

I started thinking about this incident when I wrote my last post on married men because I wondered, what on earth was this guy’s aim? Did he not see the vibe I had going on with this other guy? Who at least is single, hallooo?? Then he proceeds to spoil for us, all for what?? Now I shall never know what may have been that night. For the record this is almost a year later that I’m writing this. Yes, John is still my neighbour, and no, there are no developments between us. Truthfully speaking there is another different guy who I would much rather get together with. But for now, that is neither here nor there. For now, what we have is a married guy who is still very much on team mafisi and needs to get off the team NOW!