of single women and online dating

*taking deep breath*

Okay, here goes. My online dating experience.

Once upon a time, in my mid thirties, which can be a desperate time for a single gal, I logged on to an online dating site. After setting up a profile and checking out a few, I found myself chatting to this guy who I seemed to connect with and lo and behold he went to my church! Well, after getting over that surprise and thinking maybe God is in this after all, I set up a meeting with him. We exchanged facebook contacts and I was able to see a picture of him finally, and the same for him, since none of us had put up profile pictures on the dating site. This is Nairobi y’all, its a pretty small place and everyone knows everyone. I’m a very private person so I was not about to put my face out there for people to see. In fact I doubt that very much online dating goes on here and I don’t think that dating site exists anymore.

Anyway, long story short, from the moment I saw the guy’s picture I was not attracted to him at all! But since I had already given him my phone number and we had agreed on the date and all, I ended up going anyway. Besides which if I was serious about finding a husband shouldn’t I be less judgemental and aren’t these the risks I needed to take? So on set date, I made my way to the place and spent a couple of hours with the guy. Meeting him in person did not increase my attraction to him at all, but he seemed to really take to me. What to do? And he had my phone number and everything. I ended up going on one more date with him before I had to do the dirty deed of ghosting him and disappearing from his life.

That was my first and last experimentation with online dating. It scares me now to think how desperate I had become that I literally put my life in danger, going to meet some stranger I didn’t even know. I thank God that He was watching out for me and the guy turned out to be who he actually said he was, because when people chat with you online they can make up any kind of story.

A few years later the guy got married. I saw his wedding announcement in the church bulletin and ran into him after the service and said hi and he introduced me to his fiancé. I didn’t ask how he met her but I’m quite sure it was not online.

After this experience and a few other doomed ones that I may one day write about, my position on relationships now is that God will bring someone into your life and you just need faith and patience. I also refer you to this article by Vanity Fair magazine written in 2015 where they describe apps like Tinder to be the apocalypse of dating. I definitely agree with that article and whenever I see people writing their blogs about how they’re online dating, with their little plan of how they’ll date a certain number of people, use a certain kind of formula and voilà they’ll find a husband or wife, I shake my head knowing I’ve been there done that and hope that they get through their experiment unscathed. I mean sure every now and then you hear a success story from these sites, but I’m convinced this is the exception rather than the rule. And for every one success story there are probably hundreds of horror stories.

I’m now a rested woman and waiting on God and wish for everyone out there the same peace and confidence.

New King James Version Psalm 27:13-14 I would have lost heart, unless I had believed That I would see the goodness of the Lord In the land of the living. Wait on the Lord; Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the Lord!

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